What's Wrong with Our Young Males? (Part III)
What's Wrong with Our Young Males? (Part III)
How to Stop Broken Boys from Becoming Misguided Men
In the final installment of this three-part series, we’ll examine why our young men lack discipline, how this affects them in the area of accountability, and what we can do to improve their resiliency skills.
Robert Montgomery Knight, formerly known as “The General.” He was a legend in every sense of the word. Coach Knight, notably of Indiana University fame, amassed 902 wins, 11 Big Ten Titles, and 3 NCAA Championships. He coached the U.S. men’s basketball team, led by Michael Jordan, to a gold medal in the 1984 Olympics. Off the court his players graduated at incredibly high rates, with many of them landing promising jobs outside the world of sports. Coach Knight had a squeaky clean reputation with the NCAA; his program was never implicated in any rule violations or impropriety investigations, although no institution is above reproach. What most fans and critics of The General don’t know is that his base salary, which he insisted be the case, was comparable to other tenured university professors at Indiana and Texas Tech (where he landed after being fired from IU). In terms of his on-the-court pedigree, any seasoned basketball historian could reasonably conclude that Bob Knight was the greatest mind ever to coach on the NCAA level — in any sport. Here’s how our paths crossed.
As one of the top five high school prospects in the 1989 class, I was recruited by every top-tier college basketball coach back then. Dean Smith of North Carolina. Mike Krzyzewski of Duke. Jim Boeheim of Syracuse. Jerry Tarkanian of UNLV. And of course, Bob Knight of Indiana. The first time I met Coach Knight was at my high school, Wehrle, in early October of 1988. I learned, some years later, that he gave specific instructions to school administrators on the room setup where our meeting occurred. He had them place the chair that I sat in with its back to the door, so that I couldn’t see Coach Knight when he entered. Lights off. He enters the room and turns the lights on, pausing a few seconds before making his move. My heart was pounding while looking straight ahead; I even got a bit lightheaded. He walks around me, like a giant condor assessing its prey, and says, “I heard you were a monumental pain in the @$$. That’s alright — the same has been said about me.” Then he follows up with the icebreaker, “We’re going to get along just great as intellectual minds.” This was my first test of Coach Knight’s head games. My self-reported grade? B+. The season before, my junior year, was spectacular. I averaged 29 points, 15 rebounds, 6 blocks, and 6 dunks per game. We won the state championship that season and were ranked in USA Today’s top 25 high school basketball teams. My senior year was tenuous at best, a disaster at worst. I was dismissed from the team for cussing out the head coach, Chuck Kemper; I played only six games. So, how did I respond after being kicked off the team? With my basketball future in jeopardy, or so I thought, I made an irrational decision. “Whichever coach calls me first, Dean Smith or Bobby Knight, that’s where I’m going to college.” Coach Knight called me three days later. I spoke first. “I’m coming to IU.” Fatherless children with trauma wounds are often more prone to careless words and flighty behaviors.
“If I came in to recruit your son, I would tell you, your wife, and your son that I will be the most demanding coach your son can play for.”
— Coach Bob Knight
Coach Knight was the consummate disciplinarian; it was his way or the highway. Word of my college decision spread fast. In newspapers across the country, I was quoted as saying that “I needed discipline.” Even my mother warned me that I was making a huge mistake: “Son, think about what you’re doing. I don’t believe Coach Knight is a good fit for you. He’s stubborn, and so are you.” I didn’t take heed to her wise council; it was about proving everyone wrong, including my mom. I lasted only six games at IU. I hit the highway — literally. I had just scored 26 points, my freshman breakout game, against Long Beach State. Several days later he kicks me out of practice on December 14th (just one day before my 19th birthday) for lackluster play and instructs one of his assistants, Joby Wright, “Tell Lawrence to go home. I want to enjoy the last 30 minutes of practice without him f…… it up!” Yeah, those words still sting, more than three decades later. In retrospect, what I — like many broken boys and maligned men today — really needed, and cried out for, was a daddy. (Truth be told, Dean Smith would have likely been a better fit for me right out of high school given his easygoing but firm demeanor. In the end though, it worked out for me after transferring to Ohio State. Coach Randy Ayers, a black man, father figure, and life-application teacher, was the proverbial “player’s coach.” This benefitted me greatly in my early 20s.)
The General was the only coach that I ever played for who wanted to win more than the players. Coach Knight’s intensity was off the charts; it often matched or even surpassed his explosive temper. What was his modus operandi of development? Build a player up, break him down. One mental head game at a time.
We use the terms father and dad interchangeably in our society. Big mistake. The title father is given at birth, but dad credentials are earned throughout life. Remember my discussion of oxytocin in the second installment of this series? Well, mothers play a pivotal role in fine-tuning a child’s oxytocin system — the bonding, trusting, and loving apparatus — through breastfeeding and nurturing touch points. And if this system is not properly developed by the age of two or three, then it sets a child up for a greater likelihood of addiction down the road (reference #1 and #2). Renowned drug-addiction specialist Dr. Gabor Mate’, substantiates this claim; I’m merely connecting the dots. What about dads or paternal representatives? I postulate that they are primarily responsible for shaping and sharpening a child’s endorphin system, which among other oversight duties, deals with drive, determination, and discipline due to its pain-pleasure dynamic. This might explain why so many vulnerable boys struggle with resiliency, a form of discipline, inside and outside the classroom (thus the urgent need for more male teachers in public and charter schools). At-risk youth get the pain of a challenging goal but don’t stick around long enough for the pleasure that it eventually brings. Go through the pain to get acclimated with the pleasure is the formula; most young people would rather have these in reverse order. Check this out: an opioid addiction leads to or exacerbates an endorphin deficiency — or what we lack internally, we crave externally. Doesn’t matter if it’s a drug, drink, or drive; the body doesn’t differentiate, it only responds. Think about this for a moment. Has the opioid epidemic mirrored and masked the fatherlessness crisis? Quite likely. In effect, moms and dads serve as biochemical bookends in the life of a child. The repercussions are detrimental, for children and society, when caregivers abdicate or walk away from their parenting obligations. (More on the difference between a father and dad a bit later.)
Reference #1 and #2
Sarah J. Baracz, Nicholas A. Everett, and Jennifer L. Cornish. The impact of early life stress on the central oxytocin system and susceptibility for drug addiction: Applicability of oxytocin as a pharmacotherapy. NIH: National Library of Medicine. March 2020.
Tatsushi Osaka and Yukon Takayanai. The oxytocin system and early‐life experience‐dependent plastic changes. NIH: National Library of Medicine. October 29, 2021.
The essence of a man lies not just in the substance of who he is and how he’s wired, but more importantly, what need he sees and fulfills to the best of his ability for the greater good of others.
Far too many of our males today lack vision, fall short in the area of confidence, and often give up when facing adversity. It’s hard for them to see success when they’re not sure it’s even possible, so they miss the mark in holding themselves accountable for the growth gains that need to take place in their lives. And without drive, determination, and discipline, they’ll lack the stamina and strength to start, let alone finish, a difficult and draining task. What’s needed to whip them into accountability shape? A trainer. The Good Book refers to fathers (really dads) or paternal representatives as trainers, and training involves coaching, conditioning, and convincing to achieve a desired outcome (Ephesians 6:4). Throw in cheerleading to this mix as well. Let me introduce you to a man who fits this description of a trainer to a tee, Julio Cesar Almanza (aka Wrong to Strong on Youtube). Accompanied by my son Eli, I met Wrong to Strong at a Christian summer camp for vulnerable youth. The kids, all males from inner-city and Appalachian backgrounds between the ages of 9 to 17, were so enamored with his story and strength. A former Mexican cartel gangbanger, he’s seen the dark side up close and personal — stabbings, shootings, and killings. He’s far removed from that world as a man of faith today. But in his past life, he would knock your teeth out and hand them back to you in granulated pieces if the situation warranted it. After Wrong to Strong’s inspirational speech, the boys bum-rushed him. What a sight to behold! They couldn’t stop touching his bulging biceps and massive forearms. The scene was symbolic of what males on the fringes of society desperately need in their lives — real men with purpose who embrace masculinity while walking away from their toxicity. And it takes a whole lot of strength, exercised discipline, to pull this off in the weight room called Life.
In basketball, and life, the follow through is critical. An offensive player can be off balance, not squared up to the rim, and have his elbow sticking out prior to shooting the basketball, but he still has a chance, however small, of making the shot. That is, if he holds his follow through until that ball swishes the net. Garth Adams Sr. (aka G-Money) is a barber, entrepreneur, and former high school and college basketball player. Like he played on the court back then is how he operates his life today. He hustles from one business appointment to the next. He does the little things financially that produce hard-earned dollars. Adams doesn’t care who gets the headline attention when assisting young people; he’s content being a behind-the-scenes role player. And he’s one of only a handful of men that I can call, on a moment’s notice, to be there when I need them for a last minute, life skills presentation for troubled youth. Adams has a disdain for those who look for (so they can leverage) photo opportunities with at-risk communities, especially at the beginning of each school year. He noted, “Giving kids a book bag isn’t the same thing, as you like to say, as providing them with a bookend.” He added, “Who’s following up with these kids throughout the year? They need reliable people who will invest in their development from start to finish.” That’s how you make a lasting difference in the lives and legacies of marginalized populations.
I shared an aha download some time ago with Aaron, one of my mentees. I asked him, “You were named after a Hebrew priest in the Bible, correct?” He responded, “That’s right Mr. Fundy — I was.” Given my inquisitive nature, he braced himself for my barrage of follow-up questions. “Let me ask you, What was the primary function of a priest in biblical times?” He paused, then answered in an unsure tone, “To make sacrifices?” I replied enthusiastically, “Yes, to make sacrifices! Now what kind of sacrifices are you making today that can pay dividends for your success down the road?” I continued, “Even if you don’t have a job, you still need a schedule.” This young man, unemployed at the time, admitted that he was spending five to six (and likely more) hours a day playing video games or surfing the internet. That’s 35 to 42 hours of time in a week that could have been better spent on his personal development. The good news? Aaron did turn things around. He took my advice and started planning his daily schedule. One day, then two and three days, before reaching a week of scheduled activities, the vast majority of them being earmarked for personal growth. Small investments over time can produce huge payoffs through compound interest. In reality, Aaron was recalibrating his circadian and circaseptan rhythms. The body needs a purposeful existence each day, and over the course of a scheduled week, to function properly. (The suprachiasmatic nucleus or SCN for short, utilizing 20,000 neurons, regulates the body’s circadian and circaseptan rhythms. It is housed in the hypothalamus, the body’s homeostasis regulator.)
The body is the greatest accounting system in the world. It is constantly keeping track of every biochemical inflow and outflow. And without relational equity, the account is in danger of being overdrawn due to insufficient funds. Not good.
In closing, I would be remiss if I didn’t highlight why a daughter needs a dad or paternal representative of high moral standing in her life, too. That book, Why a Daughter Needs a Dad, helped me understand the importance of my role and responsibility in her life as a newbie caregiver. Back when my daughter Nyah was a small child, I read this book to her every night, no matter how I felt. It was about her mood, really circadian rhythm (that included this bonding routine as a mainstay of her life clock), not mine. And life clocks also serve as alarm bells for missed appointments when a child, now an adult, reflects on his or her biochemical bank account of insufficient funds with a paternal representative. Unfortunately on the bad side or fortunately on the good side, that void or deficit will be filled by someone or something. Before turning off the lights and exiting her room, I’d kiss my daughter on the forehead and whisper in her ear, “Daddy loves you Ny Ny.” Parental or caregiver titles, more specifically, the obligations and expectations that come with them, matter a great deal when a child’s current and future wellbeing are on the line. And yes, there’s a big distinction between father and dad. The former is a biological term dealing with a chromosomal transfer, while the latter is a biochemical tune that keeps a running balance of credits and debits with precise details, where the dad (or paternal representative) and the child build up relational equity. In their time of need, either party can draw from this account to strengthen or deepen that bond of support to move forward in life.
My daughter Nyah will text me out of the blue to say, “Look Daddy, I’m representing.” In just about every instance, she’s wearing an item of my clothing.
Stay with me now as I wrap up — for good. If you’re a dad or paternal representative, here’s a subtle but enlightening connection clue for you to consider. Does (or did) your daughter wear any of your clothes, coats, or caps? While wearing them now or back in the day as a teen, this sign, if you pay close attention, communicates one of two powerful messages: Your daughter appreciates, or was grateful for, your covering as a protector, provider, or propellor. Or, she is (or was) in need of your coverage as a promise keeper, problem solver, or project manager. The PRO stands for paternal representative obligation. I hope this PRO acronym sticks in your mind — forever. This is what a father’s blessing (momentum booster), or cursing (moment buster), can produce. I’ve had women of all ages tell me, in so many words, with an angry or disgusting look on their face, “I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing any of my father’s clothing.” They added, “I didn’t like that man at all!” A few women even remarked, “I hated his guts!” This is the wrath spoken of by the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 6:4 that fathers, not dads, can unwittingly cause (Read also Malachi 4:5-6 and Colossians 3:21). Caregiver roles and responsibilities are way deeper than what anyone can imagine, including me, and I study this stuff hours each day. Why? Because whether we’re talking about a misguided male or fractured female (or however someone wishes to be identified), the biochemical is just as important as the biological. Feelings do matter — a lot. I pray this three-part series, with a recap and podcast soon to follow, has blessed you. It’s truly been my honor.
With love, Papa Fundy.
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What's Wrong with Our Young Males? (Part II)
What's Wrong with Our Young Males? (Part II)
How to Stop Broken Boys from Becoming Misguided Men
In the second installment of this three-part series, we’ll explore why our young males lack confidence, where it shows up, and how we can help them move past low self-esteem roadblocks.
Lack of confidence. This is foreign to my wiring makeup, but quite common with so many of our males on a self-sabotage mission. It shows up as being consistently doubtful, unassertive, insecure, uncertain, hesitant, anxious, or hopeless, among other telltale signs and problematic symptoms. Even the perpetual state of analysis paralysis, or not being able to make up your mind, can be rooted in a lack of confidence. Behavior clusters are often dead giveaways for internal deficits. Males who lack confidence — regardless of their age — will typically have trouble looking you in the eyes. And when you make eye contact with them, they will quickly look away, look scared, or look down (aka Timid Ted). Their handshake is often limp and unimpressive, likely due to being gripped by unrelenting fear or gut-wrenching apprehension, especially when meeting someone new (aka Fragile Freddy or Stammering Sammy). They can be unusually shy, sheepish, or shaky; sometimes it’s difficult to hear what they’re saying, even when standing right next to them (aka Whispering Willie). Their posture is concave when standing up, or wilted like a dying flower when sitting down; even with a taller frame, they make themselves look small because they often feel invisible (aka Shrinking Shannon). Lastly, males who have confidence issues will display a wide variety of distressing body language signals, such as scratching their temple with a shocked facial expression when caught off guard after being asked to speak in front of a group (aka Nervous Ned). Alright, let’s go under the hood to find out what’s driving the confidence gap in our young men.
Correlation doesn’t equal causation, but it should lead to contemplation.
In the womb and outside of it, a baby’s biochemical mapping system or frequency network is being formed. Think serotonin, dopamine, GABA, acetylcholine, and endorphins on the neurotransmitter side, with the endocannabinoid system serving as the symphony conductor or traffic cop for the body’s electrical grid. On the hormonal side, think vasopressin, testosterone, oxytocin, insulin, and cortisol, with the hypothalamus initiating the production show or disruption flow of the endocrine system. Neurotransmitters allow us to express our humanity (hopefully in a humane manner), while hormones provide us with the opportunity to proliferate as humans. What can disrupt or short-circuit this developmental process? A lot. Fetal alcohol syndrome, drug addicted caregivers, chaotic upbringing, parental neglect, substandard living conditions, environmental toxins, poor nutrition, and genetic predispositions can hamper human biochemistry and circadian rhythm at an early age. In fact, these debilitating conditions can cause a host of downstream problems for the affected child that can haunt him for the rest of his life — literally. I speak from personal experience as a lifelong competition junkie and former drug addict; I realize this substance-abuse confession is a shocking revelation for some of you who know me quite well. However, transparency is key to helping others break free from what’s holding them back.
The drug of choice is the result of the pain plug of force. Show me the addict who is chemically altered or competitively alerted, and I’ll point you to his or her biochemical dysfunction.
Now to insecure attachments and their possible role in males who lack confidence. Bonding shortfalls with primary or secondary caregivers as an infant, and this includes breastfeeding challenges, can create a timid teen, anxious adult, or sickly senior citizen years (or even decades) later. Say what? These individuals are, or were, more prone to low self-esteem issues, depressive tendencies, and anxiety-ridden behaviors in adolescence because of the drop*. Secure attachments on the other hand — notably giving a child the proper care, concern, and compassion that he needs at pivotal stages of development — have been associated with adequate levels of oxytocin, the bonding, trusting, and loving neuropeptide. So, unconfident males will, at some point, have problems with one or all three of these connection pathways relationally, inspirationally, and navigationally. Perhaps this might explain why so many of them are more comfortable hiding out in a virtual space rather than being seen in a physical place. By the way, there are oxytocin receptor sites in the eyes. That screen — TV, cellphone, or monitor — is a bonding apparatus. Doesn’t matter who the person is on the other end; it’s an equal-opportunity disrupter of neurotransmitter function and hormonal health. This is controversial, but it needs to be asked given the stakes at play. Could a lack of confidence in males correlate with lower levels of endogenous testosterone? According to Youtube sensation and famed Stanford professor, Dr. Andrew Huberman, testosterone’s nemesis or arch rival isn’t estrogen, it’s cortisol — the stress hormone! Not surprisingly, these hormones tend to share an inverse relationship. As one goes up, over an extended period of time, the other is likely to go down.
*Reference: Adabel Lee and Benjamin L. Hankin. Insecure Attachment, Dysfunctional Attitudes, and Low Self-Esteem Predicting Prospective Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety During Adolescence. NIH: National Library of Medicine. September, 9th, 2009.
It might not be your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with your underlying biochemical deficiencies. Young man, don’t let that self-defeating label or misplaced identity destroy your incredible potential. As a paternal representative, I release the father’s blessing over your life today.
I know a great deal about being dropped. And this is not a “feel sorry for Lawrence Funderburke” diatribe. I don’t need anyone’s sympathy or empathy while reflecting on my tumultuous childhood. However, millions of young men across America do. They’re in the fight of their lives, battling self-destructive thoughts or suicidal tendencies. It’s about their sanity, not my legacy. Here’s a brief overview of my upbringing for contextual purposes. I was born in abject poverty. I grew up on welfare in a female-dominated home with three older sisters and my single-parent mother, Laura. Although only qualified and equipped to fulfill one of them, she had to perform two parenting roles. Rest in peace “Ma Dukes.” The Sullivant Gardens Housing Projects, formerly located in “The Bottoms” on the westside of Columbus, was a hellhole. As the mecca of on-demand entertainment (free of charge, I might add), it was nicknamed Madison Square Gardens. Action-packed knockouts, constant drama, and eviction humiliation rituals were the norm, not the exception. Imagine standing courtside watching someone get sucker punched after refusing to pay a $2.00 side bet in craps. That scene is still etched in my head — seeing people go to sleep before hearing that sound, as in their heads hitting and bouncing off the pavement. Arguments over trivial issues like who had a finer grade of hair, lighter skin, or better jokes. Seriously? More trash was laying outside the dumpster than placed inside of it. No cap. This never happened to me, but I remember getting off the school bus a few times and witnessing a classmate break down in tears after seeing his family’s belongings on the side of the curb. He was horrified and embarrassed! Man, I felt so bad for him that it made me feel sick. The jokes were nonstop too; he got clowned by his peers for being on the wrong side of the fate equation. I can go on and on, but you get the point. I was fortunate to make it out of the ghetto, but not without any scars.
“It’s kind of hard to be a man in today’s society, trying to figure out how to make the right moves in life when feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility.”
— Tristan Segaux (21), Mentee
You see, sometimes our young men have to deal with that drop and confidence hit through no fault of their own. Some of you may be familiar with the biblical story of Mephibosheth. I suspect most readers are not. As Johnathan’s son and King Saul’s grandson, royalty was in Mephibosheth’s bloodline. This meant he would, at some point, be crowned the eventual king of ancient Israel and Judah. Didn’t happen. At the age of five, a caregiver dropped him in haste as news spread that his father Johnathan had been killed in battle (and his grandfather Saul died by suicide). This resulted in Mephibosheth being paralyzed for the rest of his life. Talk about a triple whammy of misfortune. Until he is shown favor by King David, Mephibosheth spent a significant part of his life as a pauper in the ghetto town (scholars’ term, not mine) of Lo Debar. In Hebrew, Lo Debar is translated as “place of nothingness.” On the bottom rung of society — that’s exactly how Mephibosheth saw himself, which his life outcomes confirmed. He even referred to himself as “a dead dog” when meeting King David face-to-face for the first time (2 Samuel 9:8). From the penthouse to the outhouse, what an amazing turn of events for Mephibosheth. And so, many of our young men have been dropped by a parent, grandparent, extended family member, partner, former boss, coach, teacher, friend, neighborhood, company, system, an accident (after being involved in or witnessing a horrific one), or a rare genetic condition. For some of them, their drop was self-inflicted. Bad attitudes. Bad habits. Bad circumstances. Regardless of who’s at fault, the drop can lead to shattered confidence.
In conclusion, poor self image and negative self talk often go hand in hand when our young men miss the confidence mark. How they see and speak to themselves will play a major role in what they do (or don’t do) with their lives. Of course, time is of the essence. An upgraded vision and redirected voice are critical for better life and legacy initiatives. With every mentee or client, I’m assessing their visual center and GPS system in that first meeting. Why? Because sight and vision are both located in the occipital lobe. And those who lack confidence are being driven by the sight of dismal circumstances, not the vision of a promising future. Sight deals with baselines (or where a young man currently stands in life), and vision spotlights the benchmarks (or what goals he can accomplish based on his firm level of commitment). Now, a redirected voice involves just as much work to improve as the upgraded vision. Belief, as measured by faith and confidence, is housed deep within the temporal lobe. This is why a young man will talk himself into or out of a blessing with his inner dialogue. Pay attention to his verbs, adverbs, and proverbs! They’ll let you know what he believes is possible or impossible to achieve in life, and more importantly, what the young man does with the opportunity in front of him. It’ll be pursued or bypassed. Either way, a choice has been made. Stay tuned for the final installment in this series. Until next time, be blessed.
What's Wrong with Our Young Males? (Part I)
What's Wrong with Our Young Males? (Part I)
How to Stop Broken Boys from Becoming Misguided Men
In the first installment of this three-part series, we’ll explore what’s wrong with our young males, where they’re falling short, and how we can help them.
January is National Mentoring Month, a time caring adults should be reaching back at the start of the new year so that the next generation can move forward in it. But movement without progress is the definition of insanity, expecting a different outcome while using the same, outdated routine and tired playbook of a one-size-fits-all approach to address the boy crisis (aka male malaise). To generate a breakthrough in momentum for our boys, we need a holistic game plan that is customized and individualized for each child. It’s time for us to get serious; the return we expect is linked to the investment we make in our young (and even seasoned) males. Our boys, across every racial demographic and economic stratification, need all the help they can get inside and outside the classroom. Yes, outliers do exist in every sample. Some of our young males are excelling academically, but most of them are failing inspirationally. They haven’t given much thought about their future, let alone what it takes to maximize their current potential. And without a sense of purpose, their potential will remain untapped, with society suffering the consequences and footing the bill.
A young man without purpose is akin to a ship without a rudder. Like that vessel, he will be at the mercy of shifting winds in a punishing sea, traveling somewhere but going nowhere.
In my conversations with hundreds of men on this subject — CEOs, coaches, commentators, consultants, and collaborators — here’s what they have to say about our young males:
All valid points made when assessing the boy crisis. In general, our young males lack vision, confidence, and discipline in varying degrees. In this first installment, I’ll address the vision epidemic.
Whether you’re rooted in an organized religion or fall under the agnostic camp, you’ll likely agree with this Bible verse: “Where there’s no vision, the people perish” (Proverbs 29:18). Far too many of our young men, notably in urban and rural centers of the country, can’t see past their front door. They have sight, but vision eludes them. And without vision, which is future tense, they’re bound to live (and get caught up in) a distracted life. Hellen Keller said it best: “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” Sight is what is seen in the present moment. It can fool or fuel a person, depending on how a situation or circumstance is viewed. But for our broken boys, they see themselves as damaged goods. Nothing more, nothing less. For them, that’s why a vision upgrade precedes a confidence boost or discipline protocol. They must go up to a better place before they get out of bitter space. A newfound perspective, under a mentor’s tutelage, can produce change in the life of his mentee with the right currency (which is where confidence and discipline come into play). With the wrong method of payment, no change will take place.
“You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
— Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
In closing, a philanthropist once asked me, “Why have our young men lost their ability to dream?” I responded, “It’s hard to dream big without the down payment of vision present. And when purpose is absent, our males will wallow through life without a sense of direction for their unique place in the world.” I added, “They’ll exist, but they won’t be living.” Now, dream delayed doesn’t mean vision denied. Joseph, of biblical acclaim, had a dream at the age of 17 that was tied to his purpose-centered destiny (which didn’t come to fruition until 13 years later as second in command of Egypt under Pharaoh). Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his I Have a Dream speech on August 28, 1963; he was 34 years old. That speech compelled many whites, Dixiecrats and Republicans, to deal with the historical stench of bigotry and racism in America. Develop the vision first, experience the dream second. The younger, the better. Mentors, the best tutorial on vision forecasting for your mentees is the one you’ve seen take shape in your own lives. Using your life story as the backdrop, show your mentees, in colorful detail, how you were able to bring a vision or dream into reality. Help them picture success in movie-reel form, one pixel or frame at a time. Lastly, remind them of this fact: emotional saliency can serve as their motivational cheerleader — every faith step along the journey.
Closing the Racial Wealth Gap
The Racial Wealth Gap
What It Is, Why It Happened, and How It's Closed
I was hoping that Vice President Kamala Harris and President-elect Donald Trump would, at some point, meaningfully address the racial wealth gap leading up to the 2024 election, free of partisan politics, divisive rhetoric, and back-and-forth jabs. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Here’s what we do know. Far-left Democrats are quick to point out that systemic racism is the underlying (and still the leading) cause of the economic divide in America. Unfair policies and practices — historically and presently — have disproportionately harmed blacks but helped whites. Redistricting, redlining, and racial profiling, to name just a few. Far-right Republicans on the other hand, highlight the virtues of capitalism and exceptionalism (aka personal responsibility) as the keys to financial success. They spotlight, and in some cases, cherry pick, outlier immigrants who “come through the front door” as shining examples. Armed with a dream but devoid of a dollar, these newcomers hit the ground running as documented citizens. They start new businesses. They’re accepted to prestigious universities. They even get hired by Fortune 500 companies and move up the corporate ladder. As one of my ultra-Conservative friends shared with me in our conversation about this controversial topic, “Race is less of an issue today than during the Civil Rights Era when it comes to economic matters.” He added, “Didn’t Martin Luther King, Jr. preach, ‘Judge no man by the color of his skin but by the content of his character’?” I responded, “Yes, MLK did. But can you quote any of his other timeless sayings by heart?” My friend couldn’t.
Exceptions do exist, but the social class we’re born in is usually the same one we stay in until the day we die.
As a bridge-building specialist, I want to shed light on this topic without causing whites to feel defensive. I’m certainly not going to give a free pass to my brothers and sisters in the struggle, either. Truth be told, economic differences are more class defined than color confined. Regardless of ethnicity, our lane assignment at birth often dictates and determines our life outcomes on earth — financially or otherwise. I’d venture to say that most readers would agree with this statement because of the adverb, often. Exceptions do exist, but the social class we’re born in is usually the same one we stay in until the day we die. In short, the racial wealth gap highlights the economic imbalances between blacks and whites in America. Depending on the study referenced, white households have roughly 7 to 10 times the wealth that black households amass. Stay with me now. The reasons behind the racial wealth gap go back to slavery, when blacks weren’t treated or viewed on equal footing as whites. Signed into law by President Abraham Lincoln in 1863 but ratified by Congress in 1865, The Emancipation Proclamation officially freed black slaves. The Reconstruction Period occurred over the next twelve years, from 1865 to 1877. Emancipation was supposed to lead to the integration of blacks into mainstream society. However, nearly 100 years of segregation (aka the Jim Crow Era) followed until The Civil Rights Act was passed in 1964.
Our identifying label, formulated and narrated by the majority class in power, has changed through the years from slaves to Negroes to Coloreds to blacks to African Americans (and now back to blacks). But our financial condition, by and large, has barely improved. For every Oprah Winfrey or David Steward, the richest black man in America with an estimated net worth of over $13 billion, we have thousands of Ray Rays and Sha Nah Nahs who fall through the economic cracks. (Yes, I know people with these nicknames; I grew up with them in the projects!) I asked my wife’s father, Chris Fairrow, “What jobs did most blacks work pre-1964?” He looked down to gather his thoughts, then shared, “Cooks and cleaners and custodians. That was about it for us!” Menial jobs with abysmal pay. Where my father-in-law looked speaks volumes about where we stood (and still stand) here in America — at the bottom of the economic rung. Over the past 60 years,1964 to 2024, the racial wealth gap should have narrowed considerably. Regrettably, it has widen substantially in spite of desegregation and affirmative action efforts to create a level playing field, entitlement spending on welfare programs for single-parent mothers, and government expenditures to shore up public education as well as housing insecurity.
Take a look at the chart below, which contrasts the household net worth of whites and blacks according to the most recent U.S. census findings. It is quite alarming, to say the least. The median wealth for a black household, $24,520, is about one-tenth the median wealth of a white household, $250,400. Nearly 1/4 or 23.6 percent of blacks have a zero or negative net worth (assets minus liabilities), compared to only 8.6 percent of whites. And nearly 70 percent of black households have a net worth less than $100,000. The largest distribution of wealth for whites is in the millionaire category at 20.4 percent or 1 out of every 5 households, with only 5.3 percent or 1 out of every 20 black households reaching this threshold. Even amongst our own ranks, the economic gulf between the haves and the have nots is glaringly obvious based on our educational standing, employment position, and social network. Those at the top, the black bourgeois, do care deeply about Ray Ray and Sha Nah Nah. However, there’s a tremendous disconnect in helping our people on the fringes of society move past their generational trauma and personal drama. Whether we care to admit it as a race, this internal rift is real. Until the least among us can rise up financially, we can never be satisfied with our progress as a people. The ballot box gives us a voice, but an upgraded balance sheet amplifies the volume. Collectively, that is. (I would encourage you to read the Wealth by Race of Householder in its entirety on the census.gov website.)
How Household Wealth Is Distributed by Race of Householder https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2024/04/wealth-by-race.html
Here’s what I’ve observed over the last 15 years as a certified financial planner, life coach, accomplished author, economic empowerment crusader, and board member of a publicly traded mutual fund company while working primarily with people of color, notably the African American community:
- Financial trauma often causes, influences, and shapes our flawed money scripts or self-defeating economic narratives; in totality, these counterproductive belief systems hold us back as a race.
- We’re more captivated by lifestyle assets (aka income-draining assets) than we are liberated by leverage assets (aka income-producing assets), showstopper possessions versus shareholder profits.
- We’re more likely, comfortable really, to support a non-profit organization with our time and talents than with our treasures or financial resources, regardless of socioeconomic status.
- We often fall victim to get-rich-quick schemes that masquerade as “lucky financial breaks” for us, which highlights our lack of due diligence before capital is deployed.
- Most of us start the wealth game down by 20 points, which can cause us to be even more reckless with our money ball shot selection (Quick Shots, Forced Shots, and Tough Shots).
- We tend to view credit scoring through an “us/black vs. them/white” framework, where ours is subpar and theirs will always be significantly better (627 Credit Score vs. 727 Credit Score).
- A present-moment mentality getting caught up in “here and now” spending traps prevents us from taking our “down-the-road” financial future seriously (Reactive vs. Proactive).
- We’re often more focused on earning income than we are in building legacy wealth that our offspring can inherit and hopefully, handle responsibly (Income Statement vs. Balance Sheet).
- We have more noticeable gaps in insurance coverages than our white counterparts, and generally don’t have a working estate or end-of-life plan in place. (Seventy percent of black adults don’t have a will.)
- We’re more likely to try a DIY strategy or an a la carte approach to achieving financial wellness rather than paying (without expecting a discount) for comprehensive, professional advice.
“See the blueprint for financial success in your mind first, then take the necessary action steps to pursue better life outcomes.”
— Mareion A. Royster, CFP & Financial Advisor with Hamilton Capital
Let’s wrap up. How do we close the racial wealth gap? Outside the classroom, LFYO offers empowerment workshops, one-on-one coaching, and online tutorials for high-need populations. Inside the classroom, we must open the window of financial opportunity to every African American, not just for the privileged few who have the talent to monetize an athletic, aesthetic, or academic gift. Using a bit of creativity, here’s what I propose. We must go downstream to early education, showing elementary-age kids how the subjects they learn in class can come alive through personal finance concepts.
Math and money management are connected through numbers, graphs, and proportions (which many black students have a hard time grasping). Using easy-to-understand words and practical applications, explain how reading is important when deciding between two credit cards with different terms. Also, great readers can grow into exceptional leaders (and make a lot of money as C-Suite executives!), all while leveraging their remarkable interpersonal skills. Social studies offer the perfect opportunity for imaginative minds to travel abroad. By saving for and then planning a getaway trip, this allows them to become acquainted with diverse cultures and culinary delicacies through an upgraded economic skillset. Who knows, they might even use make-believe money to invest in international companies that are headquartered outside the U.S. Why is this important? Having been introduced to the products or services of these international companies during their exposure-related voyages, this provides the perfect venue for at-risk students to gain real-world experience on tracking publicly traded stocks. The long-term benefit is this: They now know what it’s like to be on both sides of the cash register, as repeat customers and equity owners. Cha Ching!
Think about it. A lot of inner-city students have never ventured outside of their neighborhood, let alone their city’s outer belt.
Last but not least, what about science? This would be a great time to introduce students to biochemistry, in particular, how good food can produce a great mood. Invite a chef into the classroom. Plant a colorful garden outdoors or indoors. Start fictitious, health-conscious social enterprises where teams compete for prizes that align with customer service, operational efficiency, and environmental stewardship principles. For middle school students and beyond, introduce higher-level concepts. As they build their financial life skills in a highly competitive, game-based setting, even boring topics like insurance and taxes sound interesting. When teenagers are earning a paycheck, managing a household, buying an automobile, protecting a cherished asset, or receiving a tax refund, they’re more likely to stay the educational course. This is the key to helping vulnerable populations connect the relevancy dots between their present reality and future possibility. Let’s team up together in 2025 as we do our part in closing the racial wealth gap!
Click the button below to make a tax-deductible gift before the year comes to a close. Your financial support will help us reach our 2024 fundraising goal of $250,000.
Be sure to check out the Closing the Racial Wealth Gap Video at the top of this page.
Why No "Modern" Political Party Will Seriously Address Fiscal Spending and Close the Widening Wealth Gap
Why No Modern Political Party Will Seriously Address Fiscal Spending and Close the Widening Wealth Gap
I waited until after the election to release this article. I realize it will likely make a lot of Democrats, Republicans, and even Independents uncomfortable, if not outright upset. So be it, because I’m not currently running for political office. You see, we’ve kicked the proverbial can — out of control spending at the federal level — down the road long enough. In fact, this “can” is sabotaging the financial future of our young people, specifically those born after 2000. We know them as *Gen Z and Gen Alpha, approximately 120 million in aggregate. Even worse than out of control federal spending is the growing wealth gap that it has created over the past two decades, which the Covid pandemic exacerbated. Our nation hasn’t had a surplus or balanced federal budget (where annual tax inflows meet or exceed yearly spending outflows) since Bill Clinton left the White House. Think about it. Did either Vice President Kamala Harris or President-elect Donald Trump ever mention on the campaign trail how their administration would reduce deficit spending and pay down, actually slow down, our ballooning national debt that will reach $50 trillion by the end of this decade? Of course not. As you’ll read, I’m an equal-opportunity critic when it involves the financial future and emotional wellbeing of the next generation and beyond. Buckle your seatbelts; it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
*Reference: https://www.usatoday.com/story/graphics/2024/10/08/generation-names-years-explained/74701974007/
We can never pay off our current $36 trillion national debt; at best, we can only slow down its astronomical growth.
While in Miami for a retired NBA players event on March 3, 2013, I had a brief discussion on wealth disparities with former President Bill Clinton. He was the headline speaker that evening. No doubt, he was (and still is) a polarizing figure. *But whether you like him personally or not, his eight-year tenure in the oval office from 1993 to 2001 was spectacular. The largest economic expansion in American history, a record 115 months of sustained growth. The creation of more than 22 million new jobs. The highest homeownership rate in U.S. history, reaching nearly 68 percent at its peak. The lowest unemployment during a 30-year span, falling from 7.0 percent in 1993 to 4.0 percent in 2000. The Clinton Administration raised education standards, notably reading and math scores for 4th, 8th, and 12th grade students. The welfare rolls were reduced to their lowest levels in 32 years (I was a welfare recipient throughout my childhood.) The poverty rate dropped to 20-year lows. And here’s what really stood out to me as a certified financial planner and economic empowerment crusader on his stellar accomplishments as the 42nd Commander in Chief. In bipartisan fashion, President Clinton and a Republican-led Congress paid off $360 billion of national debt from 1998 to 2000. Just as impressive, American families owning publicly traded stock increased by 40 percent during his administration.
*The Clinton Presidency: A Historic Era of Progress and Prosperity, https://clintonwhitehouse5.archives.gov/WH/Accomplishments/eightyears-01.html/
Former President Bill Clinton
It’s true about President Clinton, he makes you feel like you’re the most important person in the room. Like him, I too am a conversationalist. I also have a knack for steering a brief or prolonged discussion in a direction that benefits the whole and not just the privileged few. Yes, I did monopolize his time that evening before security stepped in to move President Clinton to the banquet hall for his 45-minute speech. Part of our conversation went like this:
Me: President Clinton, it’s an honor to meet you. My name is Lawrence Funderburke.
President Clinton: I know who you are. You played with Corliss Williamson on the Sacramento Kings. I followed Corliss in the NBA, a fellow Arkansas native, after he won a national championship with our beloved Razorbacks.
Me: Yes, I knew you were a huge basketball fan.
President Clinton: I am. By the way, what are you doing these days?
Me: I operate a nonprofit organization and for-profit company alongside my wife. We provide financial life skills to help bridge the wealth gap in America. Without these skills — earning money, making it grow, and protecting income-producing assets — it’s nearly impossible for disadvantaged communities to survive.
President Clinton: You’re right. The wealth gap is a big problem in America. I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse. Well, keep up the great work.
Me: Thank you Mr. President. (For those of you who know me as a germaphobe, yes, I did shake his hand.)
Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room — unsustainable federal deficits during times of peace and prosperity. Unfortunately, future generations (aka Gen Z and Gen Alpha) will have to pay these debts that accrue with parabolic interest. More on this later. On October 8th of this year, Jacob Bogage wrote an eye-opening article in The Washington Post, titled, “U.S. deficit hits $1.8 trillion as interest costs rise.” As the graph below points out, we have a massive spending problem relative to incoming tax revenues (which is why Vice President Harris campaigned on raising taxes on high-income earners and capital gains investments, with President-elect Trump targeting tariffs to close the shortfall). Take a look at interest payments on the national debt, nearly $1 trillion a year, and Social Security benefits to current retirees. Both line items will continue to skyrocket as federal spending accelerates and more Baby Boomers reach their retirement age.
Spending money we don’t have, as a nation or household, is a recipe for economic disaster.
Time to talk real-world solutions. Enough of the pie-in-the-sky mumbo jumbo. Brace yourself for the discomfort that follows. Now, Social Security and Medicare will become insolvent in 2035 and 2036, respectively. That’s a little more than 10 years away, folks! Seven options exist to deal with this entitlement conundrum, although most liberal pundits and fiscal hawks only highlight the first three.
Option #1: Reduce entitlement benefits across the board. The chorus of boos will be deafening loud if this is ever proposed by legislators in a meaningful way. As Darryl Hall and John Oates once sang back in the day, “I can’t go for that, no can do,” this won’t fly. But it does need to be seriously considered in spite of the impending backlash. As a voting block, 66 million in number, Baby Boomers have a powerful voice. Their political force is second to none, and rightly so. Mess with their money and watch what happens.
Option #2: Institute an annual financial means test. Those who have ample income and growth assets won’t receive a dime in Social Security and Medicare benefits. Doesn’t matter if they’ve paid more than their fair share over the decades into the system. As the logic goes, they simply don’t need the benefits and can fund their own retirement as well as future healthcare costs.
Option #3: Implement a wealth tax on the ultra rich. What might this entail? Well, those whose net worth (assets minus liabilities) exceeds a certain threshold, say $5 million, will pay an additional tax at graduated levels on their accumulated wealth in concert with income, corporate, and capital gains taxes.
Option #1 is somewhat palatable to Republicans. Option #2 and #3 appeal to Democrats. And for Independents, it depends on their fiscal leaning and appetite to sway an election.
Here are my insights on the last four options, which, in depth and breadth, are even more controversial than the previous three. (Option #4 and #7 are my proposals.)
Option #4: Weave in some combination of the first three choices, partially or wholly. Reduce part of a recipient’s Social Security and Medicare benefits if he or she has sufficient financial resources. Keep the benefits in place for all retirees but remove the cap on withholdings for Social Security taxes (as is currently the case with Medicare taxes). Offer high net worth individuals and families an incentive to lower their overall tax bill while writing off a portion of their graduated or tiered wealth tax.
Option #5: Allow Americans to opt out of Social Security and Medicare altogether. Trust me, most people won’t opt out; they’ll be too afraid to handle this task without a government backstop in place. Of course, those who do withdraw from the system will be responsible for their own retirement and healthcare needs. Yes, the federal government will lose out on some much-needed tax revenues. But in the long run, this will result in more cost savings for federal coffers. (On average, individuals and married couples do receive more benefits than what they actually paid for, in some cases by a 2 to 1 margin!)
Option #6: Reset the entire system and start over. As central bankers around the world deal with their country’s or union’s triple D problems — debts, deficits, and demographics (aka the ratio of takers to payers) — this digital-currency alternative will gain more traction. And it’ll likely be triggered by a far-reaching, global financial crisis that cripples the banking sector, stock market, household savings, consumer confidence, and government trust. I’ll leave it at that for fear of being labeled a tin foil hat wearing, conspiracy theorist. (Actually, I don’t care if someone calls me this; I have really thick skin.)
This last option should be initiated posthaste. Why? Because 99.9 percent of our elected politicians don’t want to risk being thrown out of office if (or when?) they reduce entitlement benefits for the elderly. Heck, this can’t even be a topic of contemplation, let alone deliberation. As a soon to be 54-year-old father of two young adults and “Papa Fundy” to thousands, I got nothing but love for grandma and grandpa. I too can see my entitlement benefits just over the horizon. But as a country, we’re left with some tough decisions among awfully painful choices, really concessions. It’s time for us to face the music and dance together. Until then, could we at least agree on this recommendation?
Option #7: Incorporate an empowerment-based curriculum that will help Gen Z and Gen Alpha take control of their financial future. Starting in fourth grade, if not earlier, foundational concepts would be introduced to students in three primary areas: career forecasting, money management, and wealth building (with a special emphasis on the eighth wonder of the world, compound interest).
The Funderburke Institute of Financial Empowerment, FIFE for short, would even license our curriculum to local, state, and federal governments at a steep discount to assist these agencies in their educational efforts for youth and young adults. After all, we are compassionate capitalists. 🙂 Feel free to share your thoughts on this article. You can also reach me at info@MrFundy.com.
2024 3rd Quarter Digital Newsletter
2024 LFYO 3rd Quarter Digital Newsletter
2024 Financial Life Skills Summer Camps, Fundraising Luncheon, and Partnership Opportunities
We have been on the move this summer, and the fall is shaping up to be one of LFYO’s busiest seasons with our upcoming back-to-school programming and 2024 Fundraising Luncheon on September 20th. As Central Ohio’s leader in financial life skills for low-to-moderate-income communities, what an awesome privilege it is for us to serve as the bridge between participants’ present reality and their future possibility. We show them today what life can (or will) be like down the road. LFYO provides each youth and young adult with the game plan to succeed educationally, financially, relationally, professionally, personally, nutritionally, and inspirationally. How so? Through our time-tested process of exposure-, experience-, and expectation-related activities.
2024 Financial Life Skills Summer Camp Experience
2024
Financial Life Skills Summer Camp Experience
LFYO teamed up with Columbus Park and Recreation, area businesses, Chef Jim Warner, CampUCan, City Change, and the GoodLife Foundation at First Church during June and July. Middle school and high school students were provided with an unforgettable learning experience, inside and outside the classroom. Topics included financial wellness, physical fitness, nutritional wholeness, spiritual enrichment, personal branding, business startup, emotional resilience, public speaking, charitable giving, college (and trade school) planning, and career forecasting, among many other life- and legacy-development areas. Over 160 youth participated in the summer camps.
A Special Thank You To Our Partners
Thanks to your generous support, our enriching summer field trips to local businesses were a huge success. Participants had the opportunity to engage in hands-on workshops, insightful presentations, and informative discussions with industry experts. Your contribution made it possible for everyone to gain valuable real-world knowledge and skills that will positively impact their futures. We're grateful for providing such a meaningful and educational experience.
LFYO 2024 Summer Programming
LFYO has teamed up with the GoodLife Foundation and Columbus Parks and Recreation to present several weeks of summer programming for area youth. For vulnerable populations, it’s critical to offer positive outlets since negativity permeates their tumultuous landscape. One thing is certain: We must keep our kids safe and out of harm’s way. Financial life skills not only improve favorable outcomes for at-risk youth, but they also serve as violence prevention measures. You see, the biggest difference between disadvantaged teens and their well-to-do peers comes down to opportunity. Successful careers, success templates, and success-oriented mindsets are par for the course in affluent (and even upper middle class) communities. And this is why their children have a distinct, modeling and networking advantage. That’s why LFYO serves as a bridge-building specialist to help level the playing field without settling a score. In other words, leveraging the three E’s of success is the key to closing the opportunity gap. Exposure. Experience. Expectation. Expose vulnerable participants to what can be, provide the tools or experience to achieve it, and watch what happens. The expectation to do better feeds itself when they’re fed a smorgasbord of real-world opportunities (which is a beautiful thing to behold when at-risk youth who once felt disempowered now value empowerment). This is how we change lives and transform legacies, one broken spirit and battered soul at a time.
I see myself as the modern-day version of Robin Hood. No, I don’t steal from the rich to give to the poor. What I do is borrow from the wealthy and well-connected to empower the less fortunate.
Thus far, we’ve taught underserved youth how to create (and protect) their personal brand, identify their unique life-and-flow fit, and improve their mental health status. Plus, the young ladies are treated like royalty. They are always served first when eating, and the fellas must hold the doors when females are entering and exiting every company we visit. Yes, we’re bringing back chivalry, and those who fail or forget to comply must do 25 (super-slow) pushups! In fact, young people can learn anything if it’s memorable, manageable, and marketable with (or to) their way of thinking. What’s memorable draws upon hope. What’s manageable provides the help. And what’s marketable fuels the hype, or what it takes to get them fired up about their promising future. As Cubbie Taylor remarked after hosting our group on a field trip to Midwest Photo, “This is the most impressive collection of young people that I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with, and I have hosted hundreds of children before.” Jason Moore, owner-operator of Autotool Inc., echoed this sentiment. Among other things, he highlighted, “Wow, what an amazing and articulate group of teenagers!” It’s not a capability issue with our most vulnerable, black-and-brown youth; it’s an accessibility problem. Take a look at the pictures, videos, and lineup of activities below …
Exposure
The state of being in an environment or situation where one is subjected to a particular agent, influence, or experience.
Experience
The practical knowledge, skill, or understanding that is gained through involvement in or exposure to a specific activity, event, or process.
Expectation
The standard or level of performance, behavior, or outcome that is envisioned or demanded in a particular situation based on previous experiences, knowledge, or assumptions..
Video Highlights
Please take a moment to view a brief video highlighting some of the key moments from our initial meetings with the participants.
2024 Fundraising Luncheon
The 2024 LFYO Fundraising Luncheon is just around the corner.
The Location
Hyde Park Prime Steakhouse (Downtown)
The Time
11:30 AM to 1:30 PM.
The Offering
A first-class experience at a five-star dining establishment while mixing and mingling with some of Central Ohio’s most prominent and influential people.
The Date
September 20, 2024
The Cause
To raise investment support for LFYO programs.
The Crowd
Business leaders, former Ohio State and ex-professional athletes, and philanthropic-minded individuals (like yourself) will be in attendance.
Thus far, we have 20 committed sponsors and 5 more left to secure. Might you or your company join this prestigious list? Don’t delay. If you or your company is interested in sponsoring or attending the event as an individual or couple, please email me at info@MrFundy.com. For more details on the 2024 LFYO Fundraising Luncheon, please click the link above.
In closing, we want to acknowledge our 2023 Legacy Sponsor, Maggie and Tom Fleming. Their generous contribution allowed LFYO to purchase 23 new iPads with bluetooth keyboards and protective cases. To the Flemings — and every LFYO investment supporter — thank you for helping us carve out our unique niche in changing lives and transforming legacies here in Central Ohio and beyond. Again, thank you.
LFYO Program Update – May 2024
LFYO Program Update – May 2024
• Columbus Park and Recreation – Teen Impact Program
• GoodLife Skilled Trades Program
• Elv8u Entrepreneurship Program
The State of Mental Health for America's Youth
The State of Mental Health for America's Youth
Why They're Hurting, How We Can Help Them, and Where to Start First
Don’t be troubled by the length of this article; it’s a fast read about a very troubling subject. Brevity won’t do it justice.
A lot of young people are struggling in a major way, though few care to admit it. Their upstairs and downstairs brains are skipping floors. Upstairs deals primarily with the cerebral cortex, or what occupies roughly 80 percent of the top floor brain and nearly 100 billion neurons. Downstairs refers to the gastrointestinal tract, with approximately 100 million neurons occupying the bottom floor brain. Newbie minds with topsy-turvy bellies as well as rollercoaster hearts are in a state of flux. Whether mentally, emotionally, or relationally when it comes to the wellness factor, the trend is not their friend. Not even close. Covid did exacerbate problematic distress states, but let’s be clear. Many under the age of 25 were hurting long before the pandemic hit the scene and shook us to the core. As the rise in social media addictions captured their hearts, the drop in wellbeing broke their spirits. Has this inverse relationship been a mere coincidence? I don’t think so. One thing is certain, however: Mental illness is an equal-opportunity disruptor. Doesn’t matter how much (or little) money you have, nor the pigmentation of your skin. When it hits, you feel it. Your inner and outer circles do as well. And society pays a heavy price to curb that pain. Depression. Bipolar and autism-spectrum disorders. PTSD. Anxiety and panic attacks. Compulsive behaviors. Drug and alcohol addiction. Self harm, suicidal ideation, and homicidal inclinations. Now, why would our young people be in the fight of their mental sanity lives with the whole world in front of them? I don’t claim to have all of the answers, but let’s explore some of them.
Correlation doesn’t equal causation but it should lead to contemplation.
Why are our young people hurting so much?
Lots of reasons exist, but the driving force behind (or in front of) their pain and suffering is a depleted or bloated biochemical system. Too little or too much of any feel-good neurotransmitter isn’t good for the body, brain, or belly. And the five emotional needs that play a pivotal role in balancing the biochemical ledger account (BLA) include the following: to be loved, to be heard, to be understood, to be respected, and to be seen. “To be loved” has everything to do with the oxytocin system, the body’s loving, trusting, and bonding apparatus. Love is a feeling wrapped in the customized gift of care, concern, and compassion. It’s an action word that’s impossible to express or experience without tangible proof. No verifiable evidence, no authentic love. It is the litmus test by which commitment to wellbeing is (and should be) measured. When youth and young adults don’t feel loved, they can’t outwardly express lovingkindness in the world. Unfortunately, many of them don’t even feel lovable enough to embrace genuine affection given our AI-generated world.
Next up is “to be heard.” The voice of the voiceless is yearning to be heard, not judged (although accountability is critical for proper growth). Listening is truly a lost art. Active listeners pick up on the cues and clues of the speaker, notably what is said and how it sounds. Semantics deal with what is said, while acoustics serve as the amplifying pitch or diminishing cadence behind someone’s phonetic words. Pay careful attention to a young person’s verbs, adverbs, and proverbs. A verb indicates an action, event, or state of being. What does this person need, want, or expect? An adverb modifies a verb, adjective, or adverb, or various other types of words, phrases, or clauses. Usually ending in “ly,” adverbs can often express the magnitude of a young person’s condition or outlook from a pain, pleasure, or passive perspective. A proverb is a condensed or shorten saying that conveys some important fact of experience that is taken as true by a person, group, or community. For youth still reeling from the effects of trauma, their proverb can serve as a motivating force or debilitating course in every aspect of life. It just depends on how they’re wired.
“To be understood” isn’t the same as being heard. Complements or close allies, yes, but substitutes or synonyms, no. Perhaps the biggest mistake Generation X and Baby Boomers make is superimposing their era’s customs and traditions as the de facto norm for success in 21st century America. Now, principles are timeless but practices may change. What worked then may be outdated today, especially when life was much slower in decades past. What seasoned adults do wrong is pull young people back to the good ole days instead of jump forward to greet them in these hectic, fast-paced times. Understanding is about being heard (and hopefully treated) on equal footing. This was not the case in the ’50s, ’60s, or even ’70s. Youth weren’t heard, nor understood; they deferred to their elders because that was standard protocol. Today’s young people expect sensitivity from those advanced in years, which can harmonize or balance their gyrating emotional state.
Young people are sick and tired of the disrespect. “To be respected” is what they demand from peers and progenitors in private places or public spaces. Seasoned adults have called them lazy, indifferent, and delusional. They have been told in corporate settings, “You can’t be pushed to the front of the promotion line without waiting your turn. That’s not how it works here in moving up the C-suite ladder!” Young people also feel that older generations don’t believe in them, and that passing the responsibility baton to Millennials will result in a dropped opportunity. So, they feel unfairly judged, mistreated, and maligned for their youthfulness. Of course, age discrimination works both ways. Thus, disrespect can lead to anger, disdain, or outright rejection of the principles, practices, and procedures that have defined the success path of previous generations. Not surprisingly, their mental, emotional, and relational wellbeing has taken a beaten. Unfortunately, some NextGen cohorts do fall in line and fall in love with the prophecy that has been said about them. That they play video games all day, surf the Internet for clickbait gutter stories, and party well in to the night using borrowed credit cards (while disrupting their precious circadian rhythm in the process).
If it takes a village to raise a child, then it requires a community to repair a broken soul.
Fighting for attention is the right “to be seen.” Doesn’t matter if it’s through toxic attitudes, desperate measures, or counterproductive efforts. This is a self-image play, which is usually tied to a self-preservation ploy. The result? A survival of the fittest mentality hellbent on relevancy. Earning street cred, increasing followers on social media, or accentuating a body part, piercing, or tattoo for brand identification purposes is par for the course today with our young people as well as those who refuse to grow up. Extended adolescence is not a good thing in your 30s, 40s, and 50s. You see, I’ve worked with over 30,000 youth and young adults over the past two decades. In short, here’s what I’ve observed about this demographic. Their covert or overt approval-seeking behaviors are easy to spot, with validation expressions being the prized possessions to hide their deficits. I speak from personal experience, and they’re incredibly difficult to break free from when hangups, holdups, and hiccups are trauma based. On the nonprofit side, I’m usually asked to work with and fix broken souls. Think Kia Boys. Paternal abandonment and testosterone surges during puberty that fuel their desire to pursue novelty-seeking thrill rides with little (to no) regard for consequences are driving their behaviors. In general, Kia Boys come from fatherless homes, aren’t involved in organized sports (and miss out on surrogate, father-figure coaching), and could care less about academic achievements. On the for-profit side, I work with companies in a variety of areas, notably group collaboration, leadership development, and DE&I offerings. In most cases, how colleagues are viewed and valued play the biggest role in how they perform in a solo or team-based setting. Doesn’t matter their position, age, race, gender, or sexual orientation. Remember my reference to oxytocin a bit earlier? Receptors for this neuropeptide are found in the eyes, among other places throughout the body. And whatever we give our continual gaze to we typically bond with or find value in. So don’t be stingy with your eyeball hugs of affirmation, appreciation, and acceleration, the AAA boost that can prevent our young people from needing roadside assistance. Got it?
How can we help young people get ahead in our fall behind world?
If you’re a seasoned adult, alright, over the age of 40, don’t take this too personal. But youthful souls with inquisitive minds are wondering, “Will the real adults please stand up because the cardboard cutouts in the corner don’t count.” They’re confused. They see the outlines of people in grownup bodies acting in childish, really cartoonish, ways. No need for Tom and Jerry reruns with our current cast of adult caricatures. Our political scene is polarizing (and sure to get much worse as election season rolls and roles around later this year). Our sociopolitical system can’t agree on the definition of “fairness for all,” especially when the privileged few call the shots. Our geopolitical situation is a hot mess, home and abroad. What’s left just might be the right thing for young people to do. Sit on the sidelines as the apolitical majority. What choice(s) are we leaving them to make? Here’s how we help our young people, and it isn’t rocket science but common sense. Be the example before we ask them to follow it. Practice what we preach. Walk the talk. Nothing more, nothing less. And this has everything to do with a profound sense of purpose, which is highlighted next.
Where do we start first in our advocacy of NextGen’s mental wellness?
Where we start first in helping our young people should lead to the end of the matter — a purpose-centered existence. Purposeful people don’t have time for childish, blaming-framing-shaming games. Too much is on the line to get distracted by such foolishness. When youth and young adults understand the essence of purpose (with an emphasis on personal branding as the intro), every aspect of their lives can change for the better. But when their purpose is unclaimed, they’re shortchanged by life. And when purpose is unanswered, they will shortchange others throughout life. Productivity and conductivity are two residual benefits of purpose-led individuals. They’re more efficient and effective in connecting with others. Guess what other benefits are in store? A sense of purpose has a profound impact on mood and overall wellbeing. Young people will sleep better. They will cope smarter. They’ll live longer (People Who Feel They Have A Purpose In Life Live Longer, NPR, Patti Neighmond). And a life assignment can provide them with a natural high that weed –– or any drug or drink for that matter –– can never top. In fact, they likely won’t have a taste for that puff puff or pop pop (as in pills) anymore given their newfound state of bliss. Check this out: a life without purpose is an existence devoid of meaning. Sounds harsh, I know. Here’s my definition of purpose:
In closing, an investment secured will satisfy a payment made, but a payment made is not equal to an investment secured. Payments are tied to accumulated debts, while targeted investments can produce lucrative returns. Yes, ROI. As my good friend, an entrepreneur and PGA tour golfing coach, Jerry Hammond Jr. likes to say, “We need to be counted on and accounted for.” So much is riding on our ability to prioritize the mental health of younger generations. We can pay now, so they can play later. Or we can play now, but they’ll pay later. And when we see a need but don’t fulfill it, a lot of innocent people get hurt in the process. Let’s do our part in giving an assist to the next generation. Why? Because our legacy is attached to theirs. Lastly, I’ll be the featured speaker at Sow Plated’s Live Sow Well Speakers Series this Monday, May 20th, in conjunction with Mental Health Awareness Month. Located in Upper Arlington, this is our (my wife Monya and I) favorite restaurant in Central Ohio. Seating is limited; click the link to secure your spot. Bon appetit to great mental health!
